Dear Jack on your 17th Birthday

 

Dear Jack,

Happy birthday! Today you are 17! Although you have basically been telling me you are 17 all school year...particularly when I express concern about letting you go do something. You seem to want so desperately to be independent and grown. The feeling of you pulling away the past few years has been palpable and hard for this mother’s heart to accept. But I know that is what parenting is…trying to raise your kids so they can go out into the world on their own to contribute to society.

You have already proven yourself to be a hard worker. You currently work for a commercial landscaping company and spend long, hard days under the brutal Texas sun, but you never complain.

You are so considerate, always thanking me for making dinner and asking me about my day. I appreciate your thoughtfulness and awareness. You are also kind to your little brother, who is not very little anymore.

I have always worried that you internalize negative thoughts or comments and don’t seem to believe or see the positive things people say and feel about you. This past year, there have been some significant bumps in the road...all part of growing up, but still difficult to navigate. I like to journal my thoughts and feelings on the Notes app on my phone, and I recently wrote one about you that I want to include here in your birthday letter:

“This chapter of life we are in is a difficult read.

But I want you to know…

I love you when you are angry.

I love you when you are lost.

I love you when you are unrecognizable.

I love you.

Always.”

Jack, the day you were born was one of the happiest days of my life. You are such an integral part of our family. I love you so very much, and I am proud to call you my son.

Happy birthday, sweet boy.

Love,

Mom

Dear Ellie on your 20th Birthday

Dear Ellie,

​Happy 20th Birthday! I know I say it every year, but April 13th remains one of my favorite days to celebrate. It’s the day my world changed and I stepped into the role of your mom. 

​Leaving your teens behind is a big milestone. You’re stepping into a whole new decade of your life, and watching you navigate the transition into adulthood with such capability is a gift. This year has not been an easy one for you...surgery, job change, moving, break-up...you haven't let any of it derail you and I am so proud. 

​What I appreciate most right now is the way our relationship continues to grow and transition. I find myaelf reaching out to you for advice or just to share some juicy gossip. It’s a beautiful transition to move from parenting a child to an adult. You have grown into a person I truly admire, not just because you’re my daughter, but because of your character, your sharp mind, and the way you care for the people around you.

​As you enter your twenties, I hope you continue to be exactly who you are. Keep taking risks, keep pushing those boundaries, and keep chasing your goals. You are like your dad...you have such a steady "north star" within you, and I trust your judgment.

​Enjoy every second of being twenty, Ellie. It’s a decade for discovery, and I can’t wait to see where your path leads next. Always remember that no matter how old you get, or how far your adventures take you, home (and your dad and me) will always be here for you.

​I love you more than words can say. Happy Birthday!

​Love you forever,

​Mom

Dear Sam on your 13th birthday

 Dear Sam,

Happy 13th birthday! I can’t believe I am officially writing a letter to my youngest teenager. As I do every year, I wanted to take a moment to put into words just how much I love you and how proud I am of the person you are becoming.

Thirteen is a big milestone, but you have already grown into such a remarkable young man. There are so many things I admire about you.  

 You are always the first one ready for a new experience or an adventure. Your up-for-anything attitude makes life so much more fun.

 I have to admit, you have truly mastered the art of persuasion. You have this way of talking me into almost anything! It’s a gift, Sam, so use it wisely.

 I am so incredibly proud of how hard you work. I see the effort you put into your academics and the grit you show on the football field. You don’t do anything halfway, and that dedication is going to take you so far in life.

 One of the things I respect most about you is your honesty. Even when you’ve made a mistake or done something wrong, you have the courage to tell the truth...even when it means "telling on yourself." Being trustworthy is a rare quality, and I hope you never lose that.

I absolutely love our talks. Your curiosity and those deep, thought-provoking questions you ask always keep me on my toes. I really appreciate the fact that you still like to spend time with me. 

You have such a wonderful sense of humor and a way of making everyone around you smile. It may be your birthday today, but I am the one who received the ultimate present. Being your mom is the greatest joy, and I truly feel like you are a gift to me every single day.

I can’t wait to see what this next year brings for you. Happy birthday, Sambo!

Love always,

Mom

Dear Jack at 16

Dear Jack,

Happy 16th birthday! You have been reluctant to celebrate this year, but I keep telling you that we have to celebrate one of the four best days of my life (don't you love how I made that all about me?).

I have been wishing so much lately that you could see yourself the way that I see you. You are wise beyond your years, empathetic, wickedly funny, intelligent, thoughtful, and kind. You truly are an amazing person, and I’m so proud to be your mom.

You have always been my child who is the hardest on himself. But here's what I want you to remember, especially on this big birthday: You are not defined by your toughest moments, your mistakes, or the things you didn’t get right. Those are just small pieces of a much bigger picture. The truth is, you have so many incredible qualities, and you have so much power to do good in the world, even if you can't always see it right now.

The journey to becoming yourself is messy, and a big part of being a teenager is figuring things out. You don’t have to have all the answers. Your worth is not tied to your success, your grades, or what other people think. Your worth is simply in who you are.

Your dad and I are here for you, always. We'll celebrate your victories, and we'll sit with you through the hard times. This world is a better place because you are in it, Jack.

I love you more than words can say.

Happy Birthday, sweet boy.

Love,

Mom

Dear Ellie at 19

Dear Ellie,

Happy 19th Birthday! Nineteen! It feels like just yesterday you were being placed in my arms for the very first time. I know I say this every year, but April 13 will always be my favorite date because it is the day I became a mom.  I remember staring down at newborn you and wondering WHO you would be. I watched as you grew into a little girl with the best laugh and a stubborn spirit, and now you’re a remarkable young woman forging your own path at Texas A&M.

This past year has been a whirlwind, hasn’t it? Your first year of college, a whole new chapter, and you’ve absolutely excelled. Straight A’s, leadership roles, becoming an RA...you’ve tackled every challenge with that incredible determination of yours. You’re not afraid to try new things, to push yourself, and that’s a quality I admire so much.

I’m so proud of the woman you’re becoming. Seeing you thrive, seeing you build your own life, it fills my heart with joy. And I love how our relationship is evolving. We’re moving into a phase where I can relax about the parenting stuff and simply enjoy your company. It’s a beautiful thing.

This year hasn’t been without its hardships. We’ve all felt the pain of losing Grandpa, and then you battling mono...it was a tough time. But even then, you showed your strength and resilience. You didn’t let those obstacles derail you, and that speaks volumes about your character.

I’m so incredibly thankful for your responsibility and trustworthiness. Knowing I can count on you, that you’re making wise choices, gives me such peace of mind. You’re pretty awesome, Ellie, and you make me so proud.

Ellie, I hope you continue to embrace all the adventures that come your way. Keep chasing your dreams, keep being your authentic self, and know that I’ll always be here, your biggest fan, every step of the way.

Happy Birthday, my amazing daughter. You are loved more than words can say.

Love you forever,

Mom

Dear Sam at 12

 

Dear Sam,

Happy 12th Birthday! I can hardly believe you're another year older. It feels like just yesterday I was holding your tiny hand, and now you're navigating the wilds of middle school like a seasoned explorer.

This past year has been incredible to watch. You've tackled the challenges of a new school with such determination, and I'm so proud of the hard work you've put in. You've ventured out of your comfort zone so much, and I've been amazed by your growth.

But even more than your academic achievements, it's your heart that truly shines. You have such a big, generous spirit, and your funny sense of humor always brightens my day.  I love how you always say thank you and express so much gratitude for both the little and big things you receive.

One of my favorite things about our relationship is how open and honest we can be. You're never afraid to ask me questions, no matter how big or small, and I cherish those conversations. I hope you always feel comfortable sharing your thoughts and feelings with me, because our bond is something I treasure deeply.

As you continue to grow into the amazing young man you're becoming, I hope you never lose that open, loving spirit. The world needs more people like you – people who are kind, curious, and unafraid to be themselves.

Sam, I hope you know that I'll always be here to support you, cheer you on, and offer a listening ear. Happy birthday, my wonderful son. 

Love you forever,

Mom

Dear Jack at 15

Dear Jack,

Today you are 15 years old. Sometimes I think of you as much older. You are so tall and strong now.  Your voice is deeper, and you have the vocabulary and quick wit of someone much older. I still miss that little boy who loved to snuggle, but I have loved watching you grow into the amazing young man you are today. You have a unique ability to see the good in people, and to make those around you feel seen and appreciated.

This year you started high school. You have been waking up early every morning to go to cross country practice; something you don't love to do, but I feel you have made some good friends on the team. I worry that I nag you too much about school work. The stakes feel so much higher now that you are in high school. It doesn't help that your dad and I are both teachers and have seen it all. You are so smart and talented - I want you to have all the opportunities and options available when you graduate. I struggle with trying to balance being a good parent while still allowing you to have independence.  As you become more and more independent, I hope you know that I will still always be here for you...no matter what.  You have my unconditional love and support, and nothing will ever change that.

Happy birthday, my Jack. I love you more than words can say.

Mom

Dear Ellie at 18

 Dear Ellie,

You are legally an adult! I can't believe I am old enough to have an adult child. Thankfully, you have taken it pretty easy on me throughout your teen years.  You will be graduating in the top 10% of your class in a little over the month and will be heading off to Texas A&M in the fall.  Your high school career has been seriously impressive and you have done it all on your own. You should be so proud of yourself. Not only are you graduating magna cum laude, but you also started multiple national honor societies at your school and participated in more clubs than anyone I know. All while balancing a very rigorous course load of AP classes. 

I hope you get involved at college, join the clubs, make good friends, and live in the present. Enjoy this time in your life. I am so excited for you to experience this next chapter. 

As my oldest, you got the brunt of my parenting fumbles. I hope that through it all, you always felt how much I love you. I am endlessly proud to be your mom. 

I love you forever, my beautiful, brilliant daughter. 

Mom

Dear Sam at Age 11

 

Dear Sam,

Happy birthday to my April Fools baby! We celebrated you today by playing hooky from school. You wanted donuts for breakfast, then we played a couple board games, your dad joined us for a sushi lunch, then you and I watched the new "Mean Girls" musical (which you loved), and then it was off to your baseball game. We finished up the night playing Jackbox together as a family.  You are always so grateful and thanked me so many times throughout the day.  I was just so happy that you wanted to spend the entire day with your old mom.  

This past year, you have really become more independent.  You are the last one to leave the house in the mornings.  I was initially worried you would miss the bus or be afraid, but you haven't missed the bus once. You are also responsible for taking care of the dogs and kenneling Sadie before you leave. I am so proud of how you have handled the extra responsibility.

Because of how reliable you have become, I've loosened up about letting you explore the neighborhood with friends. You love to ride your bikes to Walgreens and buy junk food. You also love to play video games online with your friends. Our house is frequently filled with the noise of you trash talking and shouting in excitement.   

Even though you have gotten more independent and responsible, you still let me baby you a bit.  You know my mama-heart isn't quite ready to let go just yet.  I love that you still want a big hug every morning before I leave and every night before you go to bed.  I always tell you that no matter how old you get, you will always be my baby.

Happy birthday, sweet boy.  I love you forever.

Mom

Dear Jack at 14

Dear Jack,

Today you are 14 years old!  Normally I would say, “I can’t believe you are 14,” but I actually feel like you have been 14 for a long time. You have always been mature for your age. You aren’t the typical middle school boy, even though you like to do typical middle school boy stuff. 

You love to talk to your friends and play video games for hours. 

You are addicted to your cell phone (although so am I).

  You have gotten into working out and have some serious muscles. 

 But I think middle school has also been a little rough for you (I know it has been for me) and I am glad this is your last year of it.  Even though I desperately miss the little boy who would come to me with his cuddles and tears, I love watching the young man you are becoming.  You can be so thoughtful and insightful.  You are still the kid who has an uncanny ability to read people and understand them.  You do have your dad’s dark sense of humor, though, which I also appreciate.

Jack, sometimes I worry that you take the guidance and corrections I give as a parent and internalize it as criticisms of you as a person.  I wish you could read my mind or feel the tremendous love I have for you.  When I became a parent, I realized for the first time what it is to love someone unconditionally.  It is immeasurable and almost impossible to explain.  Just know that I see you, I love you, and I will ALWAYS be here for you.  No matter what.

Happy birthday, my Jack. 

Love,

Mom

Dear Ellie on Your 17th Birthday

 

Dear Ellie,

Today is your 17th birthday!  Or, as you informed me, your Dancing Queen birthday (and considering how much you loved Mama Mia when you were little, I loved the ABBA reference).

This last year has been one of tremendous growth and maturation for you.  You have always been determined and goal-oriented, but I have watched with awe as you have tackled the many challenges the past year has presented.  You are taking 5 AP classes, on the swim and water polo team, involved in numerous clubs (one of which, NEHS, you founded), and volunteering at every opportunity. I honestly don't know how you manage your busy schedule, but you do it all with very little input from your parents.

I have always admired your fiery spirt and stubborn determination (while simultaneously feeling frustrated by those same qualities).  I love that you are a leader and not swayed by the actions of others.  I know you struggle with anxiety, like so many of us do, but you confront your fears and put yourself out there.  

Ellie, as much as I want to stop time, or at least slow it down a little, I am also excited to see what the future holds for you. This next year, you will have to make many important decisions.  No matter what you path you choose, I have complete confidence in your abilities.  

My birthday wish for you is that you will be a little less hard on yourself.  You don't have to be perfect. You are enough. You have always been enough.  You always will be enough.  

Happy birthday, Choo-choo.

Mom

Dear Sam on your 10th Birthday

 

Dear Sam,

Happy birthday, Sam the man! You are now double digits, but you will always be my baby. Luckily for me, you haven't yet decided that you are too old for snuggles.  You still need me and I make a point to not rush your childhood. I know what comes next.

This past year your interest in baseball, particularly the Astros, has really grown. You have developed a pretty impressive baseball card collection.  You also know all the teams and who their best players are. I love your enthusiasm for the sport, which you are currently playing.

You are so social. You want to talk to everyone. It can sometimes get you in trouble at school, but also gives you a lot of friends. I love your sense of humor and inquisitive nature.  You definitely keep us on our toes.

Sam, you are such a unique soul.  Just thinking about you makes my heart swell.  My birthday wish for you is that you realize how truly loved you are.  

Happy birthday, Sam. I love you forever. I like you for always.

Mom

Dear Jack on Your 13th Birthday

 Dear Jack,

Happy birthday to my teenager!  Even after I made you promise over and over that you wouldn't turn into a teenager, you went and did it anyway.  Thanks a lot.  Just kidding, you are actually a pretty impressive teenager.  You are kind, observant, wickedly funny, so incredibly smart, and just such a cool kid.  

This last year has been a big adjustment for us as your parents.  You want your independence so badly, and I still desperately want to protect you and take care of you.  I want you to know that when we correct you or give you restrictions, we are only doing so with your best interest in mind.  I love you more than you can possibly imagine.  I take my job as your mom very seriously.  I know I mess up a lot, but I am trying every day to be a better mom...because it is my favorite role in life.

This year has been all about friends and gaming for you.  You spend a lot of time in your room "on a call"...meaning talking and gaming with friends.  We have reached the stage where you would rather hang with friends than family. I know that is a normal rite of passage, but it doesn't mean I don't miss you!  However, I am impressed with you as a friend.  You are someone who is accepting of all, and I see how people like you and are drawn to your overall goodness (and your sense of humor, of course).

This year you also reluctantly joined cross country.  I think some of your resistance was because you come from a running family.  Your first cross country meet, you were an alternate.  Some of the kids were teasing you about being an alternate and then you beat those kids in the meet.  Each week, you improved your place and time by leaps and bounds. At the last meet, you were 6th place out of almost 100 kids!  That is amazing!  How fast you are or where you place isn't what is the most important to me, though.  It is that you are improving and putting in the effort.  Your coach told your dad that you work hard at practice even when others are playing around.  That right there matters more than times or places in meets.  

You are still playing guitar and you still love music.  You recently had oral surgery and, as you were coming out of anesthesia, all you wanted to talk about was what music they played in the operating room (Pearl Jam and Nirvana).  I like how music is one of the many things you and your dad bond over.

Oh, my Jack, I could go on and on writing about you at this stage of your life.  I hope you know how very loved and valued you are.  I am so proud of you, kiddo.  Happy birthday.

Love you forever,

Mom

School Pictures 2022-2023

Ellie - Grade 11

Jack - Grade 7

Sam - Grade 4 

Dear Ellie on your 16 birthday

 Dear Ellie,

Happy Sweet 16! This is a big birthday for you.  You are taking your driving test this weekend and getting a driver's license.  You have lined up your first official job as a lifeguard and swim instructor (at the same pools I lifeguarded and taught lessons when I was a teenager).  I feel like you are making a giant leap closer to adulthood and independence...and it is a little scary for me.  However, I have the utmost confidence in you.  I have watched this past year as you have identified areas in your life you wanted to improve and then you did it.  

You are still juggling a very demanding schedule of rigorous classes and athletics.  I have loved watching you play water polo.  You make the game more exciting with your aggressive defensive and scoring point after point for your team.  You definitely don't get your athletic talent from me!

I look at you and I see a gorgeous, determined, sarcastic, funny girl.  I see a tough exterior that shields a sensitive spirit.  Don't be afraid to be vulnerable.  You are beautiful inside and out.

Ellie, I hope you know that I love you no matter what.  You don't have to be the best student or the best athlete or the best daughter (even though you are), what I want most is for you to be happy and to feel proud of your effort.  I will always be here if you need me.  You truly are my favorite daughter!  

Happy birthday to the one who made me a mom.

Love you forever,

Mom

Dear Sam on your 9th birthday

 Dear Sam,

Your letter is a little late this year. You have been 9 for almost 2 weeks now! You are growing into the most awesome kid. You are funny, smart, loving, and inquisitive. I love the way your mind works. You still ask a million questions...I hope you always stay curious and never lose your desire to learn. 

You still love sports. It doesn't matter which sport, you give it your all and you play with such joy. Right now we are in baseball season and I love going to your games. I'm so proud of your attitude and effort. 

For your birthday, I took the day off work so we could have a day of fun together. We started out the day at the donut shop, then went to the movies, had lunch at Five Guys, and got sushi for dinner. I really enjoy your company and our one-on-one time together. 

You have matured so much this past year, but I am so thankful you still let me tuck you in at night. I am not ready to let my baby grow up just yet.

Sam the man, words can't express how very much I love you. I am so thankful for my April Fool's baby.

I love you forever,

Mommy

Dear Jack on Your 12th Birthday

 Dear Jack,

Happy birthday!  I can't believe you are already 12.  A young man.  And an outstanding young man at that.  You are smart, wickedly funny, empathetic, hard-working, and handsome as all get out.  I just think you are pretty terrific and I am so excited to celebrate the day you joined our family.

Before I had you, I had a miscarriage.  So, you can imagine how thrilled we were when we found out I was pregnant with you.  You were so, so wanted.  After you were born, I felt connected to you right away.  It was like I could sense exactly how you were feeling and what you needed.  I absolutely loved holding you and cuddling you every chance I got.  Finally, I understood what people meant by a mother's instinct.  I have always loved our special bond. As you are growing and maturing, it has been difficult for me to let go.  I so badly want to hold you close and keep you my sweet little boy forever.  I know that sounds creepy, but there it is.  

Now you are growing up and pulling away, as is expected.  You spend more time holed up in your room.  You no longer tell me everything and I no longer am able to sense exactly what you need.  But I hope you know that I see you.  I know you.  You are such an incredible person and I couldn't be prouder of the man you are becoming.  If I could have one birthday wish for you, it would be that you could find joy daily.  Life is brutiful...always try to see the beauty amidst the brutal.

So, what's going on with you right now?  You started middle school, you are in theatre, you recently started taking guitar lessons, you like to skateboard (sometimes), you still love to read, you and your sister Ellie are as thick as thieves, and you are killing it in school.  Oh, and you became our official lawn mower this past year.  I may be resisting you getting older, but I sure am happy you are old enough to mow (and at a discounted rate)!  

Sweet boy, I know I am not surprising you with a trip to Disney like I did last year, but I hope that you still have a wonderful birthday and that you feel how very loved you are.

Happy birthday, Jack-Jack.

Love you forever,

Mom

Dear Ellie on your 15th birthday

Dear Ellie, 

Today you are 15! You did not want a fuss being made out of your birthday this year.  In fact, you didn't even want to celebrate it.  But, as I tell you every year, your birthday is so special to me because it is the day I became a mom.  I will always want to celebrate this day and you!

I am checking you out of school early today and taking you to get your learner's permit. I can't believe it is time for you to learn how to drive! Being your father's daughter, you are a little wary about driving a vehicle, but this just reassures me that you will be a cautious and safe driver.

This year was your first year of high school. You are at the same school your dad teaches at and you meet up with him each day to walk him to class. I love that you are both at the same school.  I am so proud of how seriously you take school.  You are so good at keeping up with your assignments and deadlines even though you are taking a challenging courseload.  

You also do swim and water polo.  It is so fun to watch you play water polo because you get so competitive.  It reminds me of when you used to play soccer.  I love watching you in action.

Sometimes as parents we think of our kids as extensions of ourselves, but you excel at so many things that I do not.  For example, you can draw, sing, and do your hair and makeup much better than me.  People say you can do anything if you try hard enough.  I always kind of roll my eyes at that saying, but in your case I think it is actually true.  Basically, I think you are amazing.

Ellie-belly, I like the person you are growing into.  I hope your 15th year is your best year so far. 

I love you forever.

Mom

It's Great to Be 8! Sam gets baptized

 Sam's baptism was last Saturday.  Due to COVID, baptisms are a smaller, much simpler affair and I am all for it!  Sam was so excited for his special day.  

Easter 2021

We had a pretty low-key Easter. The Easter Bunny, with the help of the local real estate group, egged our yard the night before. So, all I really had to do was fill Easter baskets. Easy-peasy. 

 What I didn't count on, was that Ellie and Jack would refuse to do an Easter Egg hunt in the front yard. I guess that is embarrasing? Sam was thrilled to have all 30 of the candy-filled eggs to himself.

Tom smoked a brisket for dinner and we invited my parents over to join us. 

 My mom brought her traditional Easter bunny cake.

 My dad gave Sam his birthday present, a gorgous bulldozer that he built himself. It goes with the excavator he built Sam for Christmas. Such a beautiful gift that can be passed down for generations.