I have been blogging for a long time...even before Ellie was born (under a different blog). When my kids were babies, I was much more open about what I shared. I didn't take into consideration that they would be such early readers and would one day be reading my blog books and discover secrets that they were still too young to know (think: Santa, Elf on the Shelf, Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy, etc). But more than that, Ellie and Jack have read things I shared about them that maybe they would rather I didn't. They have been great about it, and they really do love reading the blog books, but I have started writing with a heightened awareness of my audience. I say all of this to explain why I haven't written much about our concerns with Sam.
When Sam was a baby, I quickly realized that he hated to make eye contact. He also didn't like to be cuddled and we referred to him as our aloof baby. In the hospital, when babies are usually at their easiest, he was the one always crying. And then came the tantrums...oh my gosh, the tantrums. All of which I have discussed on here. But what I haven't really talked about are the other things. The slightly delayed milestones, the insistence that he HAS to walk down the stairs first or open the door first, the meltdowns if furniture gets rearranged, the need for us to repeat back to him what he is saying, having to tell him the schedule of each day multiple times, the required preparation for changes in routine...these are the things that had us worried.
After procrastinating for almost a year, Tom and I finally took him to have him evaluated. The facility was located at the old Kwik Kopy headquarters and the grounds are amazing! After Sam's evaluation, we spent some time exploring and taking pictures. Who knew a place like this existed so close to our home?
They did a full speech and autism evaluation and Sam was interactive and charming and nary a tantrum was thrown. Tom and I went back this week for the results. Basically, he was diagnosed with PDD-NOS (Pervasive development disorder - not otherwise specified), but it is an old diagnosis that they stopped using 5 years ago when they revised the testing and language for Autism Spectrum Disorder. So, even though he is on the autism spectrum in a few areas, he does not meet the criteria for autistic disorder. They did have some language concerns and she recommended speech therapy and a reevaluation for autism in a year. The therapist went on and on about how many strengths Sam has and how high functioning he is (which we already knew). We were heartened to realize that the areas he needs the most help are things we can work with him on (speech, rigidity, repetition).
I have felt so much in the past couple of years that I am failing Sam as a parent. I am too quick to lose my temper with him, I don't give him enough one-on-one time, I let him watch too much TV, and I am definitely not patient enough. There have been a few days this school year that I have cried all the way to school after dropping him off because I lost it and screamed at him when I couldn't get him out the front door and I was worried about being late for work. Sometimes everything feels like a struggle with him. But Sam is awesome. He can be so stubborn and frustrating at times, but he is also a lot of fun. He has a great sense of humor and he keeps us all in line. I am so thankful for this little guy of mine and I hope that he will be forgiving of all my failures as a parent.
